Family Over at Christmas Time

This topic is an interesting one, an can also be quite a painful topic to talk about….our family and their behaviours at Christmas time. Generally, we all expect Christmas to be a happy, perfect day, with no family arguments or any sort of unhappiness. However, a lot of that doesn’t happen. Most of the time, Christmas is an happy occasion. When my mother, her partner and I celebrated it the week before (only time I could see her), we had a happy Christmas. There was lots of love, happiness with our presents, enjoying good food and the company and it was a lovely time.

Skip to the proper Christmas Day one week later, and while it was mostly happy for everyone else in my family, it was a bit of shit day for me. It was a small Christmas, with my dad, his partner, nan and pop, my great-grandmother and her partner. Now my family is/has always been concerned with my weight, mainly because of the health implications that run in my genes, diabetes, heart problems, those type of things. My adoptive family, is also a little concerned because of the mental affect it has on me and how easily I slip back into my previous eating disorders. So, suffice to say, very used to getting commented on by my family. It is generally caring, done in that way that you know they will help you if you need it. My great-grandmother on the other hand, is a complete and utter bitch about it. (Just so you know how pissed I am with her right now, I had to substitute bitch in for the c word instead. Oh yeah. Mega annoyed). We were all sitting there, before Christmas lunch was ready, when she loudly said, “Oh I see you’ve put on weight.” I just looked at her. Yes I’ve put on weight. I know that, she knows that, my whole family knows that. But I haven’t put on any more weight since I last saw her. My weight is staying at this place and isn’t rising anymore (thank fuck.) Yes, I guess some would say “She’s just trying to be helpful.” Except she wasn’t. She had that tone in her voice that really rude people use to make you feel inadequate in their eyes. Guess what Great-Grandma? It bloody well worked extremely well. I felt tiny and useless, and like I hadn’t accomplished anything in my life.

I just didn’t know how to react to it. I couldn’t react without making a spectacle… and I love my Nan way too much to ruin Christmas for her…. So basically I let it go and didn’t speak to her for the rest of the day. I ignored her questions and wasn’t exactly pleasant. My day felt ruined. I tried remembering that it’s how you dictate the rest of the day as to how it goes but I just couldn’t let this go. I kept replaying the memory in my head. Even now, as I type this, it replays in my head.

Maybe I’m being over-sensitive. I dunno. But hey guess what….. It’s time for me to start eating healthy again. I’m sure some people would be like “fuck, why would you bother after that?” but see, what she didn’t know… is that I already was planning to lose weight. I’m going to do BodyTrim for 1 month and see what happens. After that month, I’ll probably keep going, but giving my mind that end point helps. I was already planning to do this before the new year, but after Christmas had finished. I just wanted Christmas off to enjoy eating some yummy Christmas foods. Turns out, I wasn’t allowed to do that after all.

So yes, BodyTrim the new plan of attack. I shall write more about that in an upcoming post.

Hope everyone had a much more joyous Christmas then me, and if you didn’t, I spose there’s always next year.

xoxo