*Disclosure* There could be material within this post that some people might find offensive. Try to remember, this is not about you, this is about my personal feelings and it is an outlet for me. If you do find something offensive.... maybe reflect on why it offends you.
I'm struggling to write my essay. It's not because it's hard, or that I don't know the content. It just seems like I'm in a mental block stage, because I'm so near the end of Trimester 3. It's like my brain and body know that at 12:00am Saturday, I don't have to worry about any more uni work for about a month. So brain is gearing up early to go on holiday. Now most people I know, say "Why do you leave it to the last minute?" or "If you had started earlier, you wouldn't be worried about it now." or "Well I've been working on mine for aggesss so it's already done." (insert smug face afterwards here)
I'm going to let you on in a secret. I tried the whole planning out my essay, do it a month before it's due, get everything organised, etc. While there is nothing wrong with that for some people... guessed what happened to me. I failed. I failed that assignment so spectacularly that I sunk into my depression for a few days. Nothing my friends or family said helped me. I just cried for about 3 days over it. The next assignment came around, I did it 3 days before it was due, I got a Credit.
So obviously, that whole doing it early method does not work for ME!. Me personally. I'm well aware that that is how other people need to complete my assignments. However, it does not work for me.
My way of doing assignments? Sure, I collate all my materials early, and skim through them and things like that... but the actual process of writing.. happens in the last couple of days before it's due.
I was thinking (dreaming) last night... and my mind came up with this fabulous thing (as our subconscious likes to do)
It goes: "Rosa, who do you know, that has given you advice about Wild Donkey Rides and how she gets things done? How she has these fabulous ideas, and then only needs to work on them for a few days, and then releases them into the universe?"
I'm like...thinking...thinking..thinking... brain epiphany "Goddess Leonie!!!"
Little voice: "Exactly. You marvel at how she does things, but deep down, you know that is how YOU perform some of your tasks. Now if Leonie does it, why is there something wrong with the way You do it?"
Me: "Well... guess there's nothing wrong with it."
L.V: "So why are you so upset about it?"
Me: "Because my friends criticise me about it."
L.V: "Not all of them. Some of them simply accept that's how you create things and don't particularly care."
Me: "Yea, but what about the ones who do?"
L.V: "They will come around eventually... and if they don't.... are they meant to be your friends?"
Now this discussion has remained with me all day. My horrible feeling of guilt has been with me all day, because sometimes I do better then my friends. But really, it's how I operate. I don't need to feel guilty over it. I don't need to have negative responses about something that is part of me. It's part of who I am. How I am. How I achieve things.
While writing this, it's like all my guilt has suddenly disappeared. I know what I need to do for my assignment and my brain fog is lifting. Sometimes all it takes is writing down what is currently occupying my head space. Clearly, this seriously was an issue dancing around my head.
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.
Have a fabulous day, and talk soon.
Rosalinda xoxo
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